YOUTH CAMP!

Oh, man.














So many many many things to blog about that happened during this camp.. i shall see what i can remember.








Well, the people who have been for many camps previously would say that this year's camp was not a "emotional" camp- you know, the ones where people cry every other night.





But somehow i still did. i think i have not sung the songs and REALLY meant them (as much as i did in youth camp) for awhile. A few songs really touched and challenged me deeply-





1. Here Am I, Send Me


2. Not My Will


3. .....





Actually, all the songs in the campbook, lah..heh.





Different songs played different parts- some reminded me of God's never-ending faithfulness, mercy, grace; some spoke of dedication and commitment- and this was where it happened- i began to have a nagging doubt forming in my mind which i couldnt shake off, and which was brought into even more consciousness during the sharing (group discussion).








Mind you, the following might be complicated.. heh.











i have always asked myself- am i willing to risk my life for an unsaved soul? - and the answer that came back has always been a resounding


"Yes!" Even though i may fail my Lord so many countless times, i do have a burning fire in my heart for the Lost- that though ice-cold water may be poured on it many times, the fire will never go out. Even as i struggle with my worldly desires, i still do have it in me! i Do know that i am not a good example most of the time and many will probably say that it hinders the Lord's Work- but i do have the heart for them!





And so the songs with "Send Me" in them have always been especially motivating for me. But yesterday, i started to have this doubt in me that said "Are you SURE you are willing to go? What if you never get over struggling with your worldly desires and become a bad testimony? What if there is a test whereby your unsaved friend is going to be hit by a car- would you go and save her and get hit yourself?"





Well, i thought about that and i realised that- even though i would be willing to die in her place (for truly, heaven is so much better a place than the world- free from worldly sins and temptations! But we are Called to glorify Him on Earth and reap the Plentiful Harvest (: ), at that split second i wouldnt know if my fear would take control of me! That started me into what i call my "over-think drive", as Sis Jo says.. heh.



And thats probably what kept me in such a disquiet mood for the whole evening- because i was doubting my ability to love God First in my heart due to my sinful flesh.. and i was already doing so! You see, i was rather upset about not being able to play Night Games (banned by D.O :/ ) cos i thought i would be able to go- i was careful to ensure i wouldnt fall sick so they would trust me enough to let me go! But in the end i was banned- and that made me upset. Heh.



Now when i look back, i think it was utterly silly of me to be so upset- but at that point i really was! Then the evening message spoke to me and i started to think "Yeah, why am i upset? What did i come to Youth Camp for?" and i realised that No, i didnt come to Youth Camp ONLY because i wanted to learn more about the Lord! That made me even more upset i guess- now i was feeling like a double hypocrite because i did challenge the girls (in previous group discussions) about why THEY were going to Youth camp for. And i really Hate being a hypocrite. AH.



And that was why (as some of you have noticed),my "whole countenance is, like, downcast" (quoted from charissa, heh). Not only because i wasnt able to play the Night Games, but also because i was feeling terribly guilty about being a hypocrite.



This is a sensitive subject for me because i dont like to be a hypocrite..really! Like, (i know this is only a game but) i dont like the Murderer Game (not the winking one)- the one whereby the murderer tries to say things to convince others that someone else is the murderer- i just feel extremely uncomfortable playing it. But yet here i was being some hypocrite..



Like i mentioned earlier, this nagging worry soon was being added to (during the discussion when everyone shared- i wont mention details cos its not my story to tell!), for with One worry that i let into my thoughts, the rest soon followed and in the span of those 5 or so hours, i became plagued with many many worries and anxieties.



But, i thank the Lord for making me remain behind in camp during Night Games, for after this trial, i spoke a bit to SisJo and she just reminded me about phil 4:6



"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything with prayer and supplication..."



and Phil 4:8



"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."



She mentioned that we should not be filled with fear- for hasnt our God already won the Victory? How can one who has already won fear one who has lost?

Also, i remembered what Pastor preached- on how much we need the Lord- Only when we realise that we CANNOT DO ANYTHING without the Lord, THEN can He use us to the greatest Extent!

And i realised that ever since Childrens Camp was over (which was just 1week ago), i conveniently forgot those verses, and thus didnt see the need to surrender that part of my life to God!( like an overlooked corner of a room, cos you think you've just cleaned it yesterday). And this really just jolted me, and that very night i commited all things to the Lord again.



And once again i am filled with the deep joy that the Lord has placed within me :D And dear brethren, i thank you all for your prayers and encouragements.



I have realised that while many of us are not willing to share SO deeply (maybe due to the "Old-Christian Pride"), people are indeed facing trials as i am! And for awhile, i actually was questioning God- not His Existence, but His Justice- "Why do i feel like im the only one having all these problems? Why doesnt anyone else face these kind of problems?" and so on. I found out during this camp that many others whom i consider the "No-problem ones" also do face these kinds of problems.. and this really, really encourages me! (: So for anyone of you in Surely Saved who reads this.. im really glad with your sharing. And i do hope the sharing from the older ones have encouraged you, because as you get older- there is much more at stake when we share..heh. But i realise that Christ is the only One we need to be concerned about- not what anyone else thinks of us! :D

Another thing i also was encouraged by from this camp was that the closer our walk with the Lord, the more unrighteous we find we are. In this camp- when i allowed myself to be led by the Spirit- i realised so much how FAR FROM RIGHTEOUSNESS we are! But i must warn you:

Reflection Without Illumination = Despair

And this is one trap that i must guard myself against too, for it is one of satan's devious tricks- to make us feel so unworthy (but without illumination which comes from reading and praying) until we break down and lose hope for ourselves.

Yup. I must admit, i slacked off on Prayer after Children's Camp because i felt i wasnt holding as much responsibility anymore so could "take a break"- which was again probably from my Flesh because as i look back now, i realise that my most wonderful, wholesome, fulfilling days were Before and During Children's Camp when i was constantly bathing myself and the whole camp in prayer! Ah, how the Flesh deceives.

Ah well. More on messages and photos? (: